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Are We There Yet?

by Bruce Watson

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1.
Are We There Yet? 03:32
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Are we there yet? No! Are we there yet? No! Are we there yet? No! Are we there yet? No! Are we there yet? No! Are we there yet? No! Are we there yet? No not yet! Each year we go on a holiday To frolic in the sun, to relax and play All our kids and luggage in the car we pack But as soon as we start driving comes this chorus from the back . . . Well, we’re motoring along, and we sing a few songs Oh no! I just remembered, I forgot to pack the thongs And someone yells out, “Dad, I need to do a wee wee, quick!” And now the kids are fighting and the baby’s just been sick Now the engine’s sounding funny. “Darling, did you check the oil?” “I thought you did!” “I thought you did!” Tempers start to boil And the kids are bored with I-Spy, Who-Am-I, and even Spotto We’ve been driving just one hour, and there’s 19 more to go A philosopher once said that the journey was the best Not arriving - but a trip with us would put him to the test He’d be bored, he’d be weary, he’d just want the trip to end He’d just keep on keep on asking till he drove you round the bend
2.
A Pig That Sings Is A Happy Pig 03:17
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A pig that sings is a happy pig Rolling around in the mud A pig that sings loves to dance a jig I think that pig is in love A chook that chirps is a cheerful chook Scratching around in the dirt A chook that chirps is a free-range chook I think that chook loves to flirt Listen to the beautiful sounds of nature’s happy song A raucous animal orchestra making music all day long A cow that moos is a contented cow Chewing her cud in the sun A cow that moos is a contented cow She knows how to party, how to have fun A dog that composes beautiful classical music Is an unusually talented dog Not your every day pet down at your local park A dog that composes beautiful classical music Is an unusually talented dog But just remember Johan Sebastian Bach
3.
Food Food Food 02:25
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Food foodfood Yum yumyumyumyum In your mouth Down your throat Right down to your tum! There isn’t any food I don’t adore There isn’t any food I can’t be fed I’m always wanting more and more and more and more And more and more and more and more I love it all – from A right through to Z I love Apples and Bananas, Cucumbers and Desserts, Eggnogs, Flounder Fillets, Garlic and Hors d’oevres, Ice cream, Jam and Ketchup, Livers, Mayonnaise, Nectarines and Octopus and Pumpkin Pie Purées! I love Quinces, I love Rhubarb, I can’t resist Soufflé, Tripe and Upside-down cake will really make my day, I’m very fond of Vol-au-Vents, I crave Welsh rarebit stew, Yoghurt and Zucchini And if you can think of something starting with ‘X’ … I’d really love that too!
4.
Spooks 03:14
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There’s a vampire In my bedroom Hiding Behind the door If he sees me He’s gonna bite me In the neck And that’s for sure So let’s scream, and scare him away! Aaarrrrgggggghhhhhh!!! There’s a ghost In my bedroom Hiding Where I can’t see If he sees me He’s gonna catch me Lock me up And throw away the key So let’s scream, and scare him away! Aaarrrrgggggghhhhhh!!! There’s a monster In my bedroom Hiding Beneath my bed If he sees me He’s gonna take me To join The living dead So let’s scream, and scare him away! Aaarrrrgggggghhhhhh!!! There’s a skeleton In my closet Hiding Away from view If he sees me He might get me . . . . And he might get you! So let’s scream, and scare him away! Aaarrrrgggggghhhhhh!!! Here’s mummy And Daddy In my bedroom To say goodnight “You look frightened,” they say “And pale” “Is something wrong?” No, everything’s all right
5.
My Pussy Cat Keeps Peeing On the Carpet 03:06
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My pussy cat keeps peeing on the carpet This feline fiend has fairly got me beat Oh! Where did I go wrong? To make her make this pong I’ve always tried to keep my house so clean and fresh and neat My pussy cat keeps peeing on the carpet And I suspect she does it out of spite She’s twisted and she’s bitter And she doesn’t use the litter To see her squat, I’ll tell you what; it’s such an ugly sight Now the smell pervades the house and all my possessions I’m really at a loss to stop these wee indiscretions My pussy cat keeps peeing on the carpet I’m desperate and I don’t know what to do It’s just a cat-alogue of woes Oh, it’s really on the nose Why, the other day, I’m afraid to say, she even did a Poo-poo-pee-doo, poo-poo-pee-doo Poo-poo-pee-doo- doo-doo My pussy cat keeps peeing on the carpet This whole affair has given me a jolt And so, for what it’s worth I even rang Hugh Wirth He yelled at me and said to me that it was all my fault I lie awake just thinking of ways I could hurt her Maybe I could change her with a cat-alytic converter My pussy cat keeps peeing on the carpet And my fantasies for revenge become more bizarre There’s many ways to skin a cat Ooh, I’ve got an idea! …. No, they can put you in jail for that But a 16 tonne weight would be totally great – or maybe a fight with a car My pussy cat keeps peeing on the carpet And there’s absolutely nothing I can do Cat-egorically. Mmmmm – iaow
6.
The Short Song 00:07
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This is a very short song.
7.
Beaut Blue Ute 03:01
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I got a beaut blue ute, It’s rooly, rooly cute There ain’t no substitute for a beaut blue ute I got a beaut blue ute, It’s rooly, rooly cute I load her up with fruit and take off in me ute I got a beaut blue ute, It’s rooly, rooly cute I press the horn and go “toot toot” when I’m driving in me ute I’m so astute to drive a ute I don’t pollute when I’m en route You can’t refute its attributes That’s absolutely absolute I got a beaut blue ute, It’s rooly, rooly cute It hasn’t got a boot, that’s ’cos it’s a ute! I got a beaut blue ute, It’s rooly,rooly cute You’d be a bit of a galoot if you didn’t like me ute I got a beaut blue ute, It’s rooly, rooly cute You won’t see me wear a suit ’Cos that wouldn’t suit a ute I got a beaut blue ute, It’s rooly, rooly cute Think I’ll start an institute dedicated to me ute I got a beautiful blue utility, I drive it with utmost agility I get a sense of transcendent tranquillity in my beautiful blue utility There ain’tno substitute I load her up with fruit I press the horn and go “toot toot” It hasn’t got a boot You’d be a bit of a galoot You won’t see me wear a suit Think I’ll start an institute For me beaut blue ute
8.
I Wish That I Could Play The Digeridoo 03:21
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Well I wish that I could play the didgeridoo I’m totally convinced that I could Make a good impression on you But I’ve seen those fellas blow, and I haven’t got a show Still I wish that I could play the didgeridoo And I wish that I could play the violin To hear me screech and scratch away, You’d think I was committing a sin Well I practice day and night, but it still gives me cat a fright Oh I wish that I could play the violin I wish that I could play the little charango My hands would strum so fast And the audience would dance the fandango With a set of batteries attached to my hand I could join a South American band Oh I wish that I could play the little charango Music, your voice is music to my ear When you’re near me, that’s the sound I want to hear Still I wish that I could play the double bass I think the only problem Would be carrying it around in its case I’d play a jazz style that was classy Wear a dark suit and cool sunglasses Oh I wish that I could play the double bass And I wish that I could play the big bassoon You only need to know two notes You don’t even have to learn the tune You just go “oomp” and then go “pah” That’s enough to make you a star Oh I wish that I could play the big bassoon I wish that I could play this old guitar I’ve mastered C and G But I just can’t get the hang of those bar (chords) It’s an instrument that I’m wrapped in, but I ain’t no Eric Clapton Oh I wish that I could play this old guitar But there’s one thing I can play, and that’s the fool Despite all my dreams and hopes and plans I must admit, I’m not Mr Cool Still I’ll bumble my way along, plant a tree and sing a song There’s nothing wrong with being a bit of a fool No, there’s nothing wrong with being a bit of a fool
9.
Tomato Sauce 03:33
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I like food of many shapes and sizes, food of many tastes and guises Food that’s bitter, spicy, sour or sweet, I like food of many cultures, when I eat I’m like a vulture, I like fruit and vegies, lollies, milk and meat But no matter what the meal, it doesn’t seem quite real Without the one thing that can make it all complete Tomato sauce, I really love to eat it Tomato sauce, there’s nothing that can beat it Tomato sauce, have it cold, or you can heat it I love tomato sauce Tomato sauce, it always can be trusted Tomato sauce, it’s beautiful with custard Tomato sauce, please don’t be disgusted I love tomato sauce You can put it on a pasty, you can put it on a pie You can put it on your chips or sausage roll But me, I don’t stop there, there’s other things I like to try Like tomato sauce straight from the bottle Tomato sauce, you can slop it on a steak Tomato sauce, or spread on a cake Tomato sauce, me, I eat it straight I love tomato sauce Tomato sauce, there’s really nothing sweeter Tomato sauce, from the fridge or from the heater Tomato sauce, I eat it by the litre I love tomato sauce I like food of many shapes and sizes, food of many tastes & guises Food that’s bitter, spicy, sour or sweet, I like food of many cultures, When I eat I’m like a vulture, There’s one thing that makes it all complete Tomato sauce, it’s as Australian as the wattle Tomato sauce, it splurts out of the bottle Tomato sauce, it was praised by Aristotle I love tomato sauce Tomato sauce, I said before, I love to eat it Tomato sauce, you really can’t mistreat it Tomato sauce, I’ll repeat it and repeat it I love tomato sauce
10.
The Pirate Song 03:59
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Aaargh, me hearties, I’m a pirate I loot and plunder and rob Aaargh, me hearties, I’m a pirate I’m only doing my job 1, 2, 3, AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH Well I wake up in the morning at half past four Pick all my pirate clothes up off the floor I put on me wooden leg, me hook and my hat ‘Cos a pirate has to go to work like that On my shoulder is a parrot whose name is Jake All he ever says is “Pieces of eight, pieces of eight” I love dear Jake, but it annoys me a lot ‘Cos I’ve never understood: pieces of eight what? Then it’s off we go on the high rolling seas Me ship and me crew, me parrot and me We steal and we plunder and we swear and we shoot It’s a tough old job, but someone’s gotta do it When we find buried treasure we put it in the bank And if someone is naughty we give them a spank (- and then we make them walk the plank) But no matter where we go on the seven seas We always make sure we’re home for tea
11.
Toddler with Attitude 03:04
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Well I’m a tough son-of-a-gun, and I’m two years old When I get my way, well I’m good as gold Got the cutest eyes, a golden smile, big hugs for daddy and mummy But if I don’t my way, I really spit the dummy ’Cos I’m a mean rough tough wild stubborn little dude I’m a toddler - toddler with attitude I’m obstinate, pigheaded, dogged, determined, headstrong and mulish I advise you not to mess with me, to mess with me would be foolish And when I’m feeling tired, I get irritable and squabbily So don’t you touch my teddy bear, or I’ll really chuck a wobbly ’Cos I’m a mean rough tough wild stubborn little dude I’m a toddler - toddler with attitude If you see me cruising down the street on my trike Well you’d better step aside A lot of babies didn’t, a lot of babies cried And if I see something that I want, I’m prepared to make a row I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it now ’Cos I’m a mean rough tough wild stubborn little dude I’m a toddler - toddler with attitude I can stamp my feet, make my face turn face red I can scream and yell and wail Embarrassing parents in public places is a trick that will never fail And if you don’t give me what I want precisely when I want it I’m a master of the strategically timed inconvenient vomit ’Cos I’m a mean rough tough wild stubborn little dude I’m a toddler - toddler with attitude Yes I’m mean rough tough … whoops, I think I just pooed I’m a toddler - toddler with attitude
12.
Real World Lullaby 03:22
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Go to sleep my little angel, you've had such a day full Of laughing and living and mucking about Built great wooden towers fought monsters for hours My brave little hero, you're all tuckered out (Time passes) My sweetheart, my sugarplum, my schnookems, my snugglebum My darling, my dearest, my angel, my pet It's nice to rock you in my arms to tight and sing you to sleep tonight But it's been two whole hours and you're not asleep yet (Time passes, eons elapse) Now I know you're a tease, but please please please please Go to sleep, I've had enough, my patience is done I like bedtime stories, but after 15 it gets boring Especially when it's all the same one (Time passes, eons elapse, entire civilisations rise and fall) Now listen up, you little wise guy, it's no more Mr Nice Guy Just go to sleep right now - do I make myself clear? Now get back into bed! And stop throwing Ted! And stop driving toy trains all over my ear! I've tried I've tried I've tried I've really tried oh how I’ve tried But after all this effort it's me not you that's tired It's hours past your bedtime, it's even way past mine Now I'm in charge of this place mate You'll have to toe the line Just go to sleep, not one more peep Excuse me while I yawn . . . My goodness, it's morning, and children are crawling All over the bed, all chirpy and fresh With twisted back and aching head from sleeping in my child's bed I stumble to work, looking forward to some rest
13.
Knock Knock 03:23
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Who’s that knock knocking at the door? Who can it be? Who’s that knock knocking at the door? You’d better ask and see. Knock knock. (Who’s there?) Tuba.(Tuba who?) Tuba toothpaste! Knock knock. (Who’s there?) Arch. (Arch who?) Bless you! Knock knock. (Who’s there?) Cows go. (Cows go who?) No, cows go “Moo”! Knock knock. (Who’s there?) Interrupting sheep. (Interrupting sheep wh …?) Baaaaaah! Knock knock. (Who’s there?) Yah. (Yah who?) No need to get excited! Knock knock. (Who’s there?) Cat scan. (Cat scan who?) Cats can lick their bums, can you? Knock knock. (Who’s there?) Dozen.(Dozen who?) Dozen anyone know my name?! Knock knock. (Who’s there?) Andy. (Andy who?) Andy sang, Andy watched, Andy waited till his billy boiled …
14.
Twinkles the Elephant 02:31
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My pet elephant’s way too big To fit in the back of out car Some people like dogs and cats and rabbits And mice and sheep that go “Baa” But I’ve got an elephant who’s eloquent and elegant And delicate despite being fat Maybe she should diet, but I won’t let her try it ’Cos I really like her like that She’s my elephant, my pet elephant She’s my very best friend Her name is Twinkles and her skin’s full of wrinkles And I’ll stick with her till the end When I take her for a walk all the neighbours start to talk “Oh my! What a mighty big pet!” Pet shop man should’ve warned us, ’cos our food bill is enormous And sometimes it’s hard to get Twelve bails of hay, five times a day All that money Mum and Daddy have to spend And if you think that’s a lot, you’d really get a shock If you could see what comes out the other end When we go for a holiday we pack all our clothes away They all fit into her trunk You should see her on the beach in her bathing suit When she dives in the water, KERPLUNK There’s water splashing everywhere, but Twinkles doesn’t give a care, She’s happy as a pachyderm can be We frolic and we play all the live long day My pet Twinkles and me
15.
Henry the Hippopotamus 01:47
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I know a really hip hippopotamus From his hip head to his hip hippo bottomus I really like him a lot lotlotamus Henry the Hippopotamus He stays real cool ’cos he lives in the water And some folks say he drinks more than he oughta Wears wrap-around shades, he’s a real rip-snorter Henry the Hippopotamus He’s got a baseball cap that he wears back-to-front He rides a Harley-Davidson with lots of grunt One thing about Henry, he ain’t no runt Henry the Hippopotamus
16.
I Like Animals 02:33
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I like pussy cats, I really like to stroke them I like pussy cats, I sometimes like to poke them I like pussy cats, I really shouldn’t tease them But sometimes I can’t help it And they scratch you when you squeeze them I like puppy dogs, I chase mine round the hallway I like puppy dogs, I feed it - nearly always I like puppy dogs, they always bring you good luck They lick you on your hands, and they lick you on your face - YUCK! I like polar bears, they’re really very nice, you know I like polar bears, they live up in the ice and snow I like polar bears, their fur is soft and cuddly Except for when the ice melts, and they go all wet and puddly I like camels, they live out where it’s sandy I like camels, in the desert they’re real handy I like camels, their backs are sort of bumpy And if you say, “One lump or two?” they tend to get quite grumpy I like platypuses, they’re the cutest creatures I like platypuses, most unusual features I like platypuses, swimming in the water I’ve never ever met one, but I really think I oughta
17.
I've Got A Brand New Baby Brother 03:55
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I’ve got a brand new baby brother (x3) All day he goes GOO GOO GAH GOO GOO GOO GOO GAH GAH GAH GAH . . . . (etc.) I’ve got a cat who’s always miaowing All day she goes MIAO MIAO MIAO . . . . I’ve got a dog who’s always barking All day he goes RUFF RUFF RUFF . . . . I’ve got a mum who’s name is Mummy All day she goes NO NO NO . . . . I’ve got a dad who’s name is Daddy All day he goes SHH SHH SHH . . . . I’ve really got a lovely mummy and daddy All day they go KISS KISS KISS . . . . I’ve got a friend who’s always laughing All day she goes HA HAHA . . . . I’ve got a friend who’s always crying All day he goes BOO HOO HOO . . . . I’ve got a friend who’s always talking All day he goes YABBA YABBA YABBA . . . . As for me, I’m always singing All day I go LA LA LA . . . .
18.
The Slow Song 01:40
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This song is a slow song That’s why it isn’t fast The slower that I sing it The longer it will last This song is a slow song So I must sing it slow The slower that I sing it The longer it will go This song is a slow song And as the tempo drops It slows down more and more and more Until it finally stops
19.
Don't Give Your Hat To The Hairy Nosed Wombat 02:30
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Don't give your hat to the hairy nosed wombat, Don't give your shoe to the bouncing kangaroo, And never lend your loot to the boring bandicoot, No, don't give your hat to a wombat Always mind your lingo when you're dining with a dingo, You can never leave too soon after tea with a baboon, Don't feed your friend Samantha to a hungry looking panther, And don't give your nougat to a cougar Don't part with your soxes for the sake of any foxes Don't give your pants to any passing elephants, And do not think your shirt'll fit a mutant ninja turtle, And don't try giving flowers to chihuahuas A lion can be tryin' A cheetah is no sweeter A gorilla just won't thrill ya with his smile, A brolga can be vulgar An echidna's always kiddin' ya And never trust a slippery crocodile Don't play Gustav Mahler to the ignorant koala, A lion won't like Liszt, unless he's round the twist, You'd have to let a cannon off before a horse would take Rachmaninoff, And don't play Debussy to your pussy Forget that stuff like punk if you're dancing with a skunk, Don't bother with reggae with a lobster or a cray, And funk and rap and house simply won't impress a mouse, But hip hop will do, with a kangaroo
20.
Mummy Says (You Can't Do That) 02:40
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Mummy says “You can’t do that! You can’t do that! You can’t do that!” Mummy says ” You can’t do that!” But why, why, why? What’s wrong with putting your head in the toilet bowl? It’s great fun, everyone should give it a try. What’s wrong with putting your head in the toilet bowl? Mummy says “No!” But I can’t figure out why. What’s wrong with eating worms and snails and slugs? . . . . I’m a really good boy and I really really try to do nothing wrong at all I try and I try, but I don’t know why I always hear that call . . . . What’s wrong with putting honey in the baby’s hair? . . . .
21.
We're Here! 00:41
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Are we there yet? No! Are we there yet? No! Are we there yet? No! Are we there yet? No! Are we there yet? No! Are we there yet? No! Are we there yet? WE’RE HERE!

about

Fun, catchy, singable songs that are just as much fun for parents as children. Clever words, tunes you won't forget, with songs about Toddlers With Attitude, friendly pirates, Hairy Nosed Wombats and Vampires - plus some pretty cool knock knock jokes.

Bruce is one of Australia's foremost songwriters and performers in the folk style. His music is joyful, hilarious, thought provoking and totally engaging original songs. With four children of his own, Bruce certainly got a lot of ready inspiration for his album of children's songs.

Bruce has been performing children's shows at music festivals, schools and kindergartens throughout Australia since the 1990s, and his experience comes through in these tried and true songs for children. Best of all, because Bruce is such a clever songwriter, these songs are great fun for parents as well.

This album's all-original songs entertain with topics ranging from pirates, pet elephants, vampires, hippopotamuseseseses, toddlers-with-attitude, food and fun. And he asks the eternal question: Are we there yet? (The answer, of course, is NO)

If you love the Wiggles, and want something with songwriting and performance that's just as good, but with songs that are more real and not quite so sickly-sweet, this is the album for you.

credits

released August 5, 2020

BRUCE WATSON: vocals, guitar, keyboard
JANINE LANCASTER: violin
CHRIS LAZZARO: banjo, mandolin (tracks 5, 13, 16), didgeridoo
BRIAN STRATING: mandolin (tracks 2,17), alto saxophone (track 7)
LYNDAL CHAMBERS: piano accordion (tracks 2, 7, 17), trombone
ELLEN HUNDLEY: button accordion (tracks 10, 12)
GUS RIGBY: tenor saxophone, alto saxophone (tracks 9, 15)
NEIL ADAM: piano
STEPHEN WRIGHT: electric bass, vocal harmonies (tracks 2, 7, 19)
GAVAN McCARTHY: double bass
PETER VADIVELOO: drums
DAVID DIPROSE: acoustic lead guitar (track 8)
DAVE ALLEWAY: charango
CLAIRE PETERS: vocal harmonies (tracks 3, 8, 9, 14, 15)
HELEN WRIGHT: vocal harmonies (tracks 11,12)
MEG MacDONALD: vocal harmonies (tracks 11,12)
JENNY SIMPSON: vocal harmonies (track 11)
And very special guests on backing vocals:
ANDREW, GEOFFREY, ROWAN, ALISTAIR, & JILL WATSON

All words and music by Bruce Watson, except
I’ve Got a Brand New Baby Brother (Tune: trad. arranged B. Watson)
Sailors Hornpipe (Trad.)

Produced by Bruce Watson
Cover picture by Alistair Watson (aged 6)
Cover design by Bruce Watson, Jill Watson and Jamie Johnston

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Bruce Watson Melbourne, Australia

Joyful, hilarious, thought provoking and totally engaging original songs from one of Australia's foremost songwriters and performers in the folk style.

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